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| 6. A Super name for a Superhero |
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A paramedic goose washed up on Stepminder Beach...now what was that all about?
On a bench in the castle's workshop, my niece Edna looked him up and down as she unclipped one of the safety pins.
His right wing flapped forward and slapped her in the face.
'Ouch!' she moaned. 'In all my years as a doctor, I've never seen
that happen before.
She was sure he was smiling through those glasses.
Under the workbench lay an old doctor's case that looked like it hadn't seen the light of day for many a year.
The professor reached inside and pulled out a small medical hammer. She wasn't entirely sure if a goose even HAD knee caps, but it was worth a try.
She tapped immediately below where she guessed his left knee just might be. It didn't move, but his RIGHT foot did...kicking her where she was too embarrassed to rub in front of a complete stranger.
She tapped his right leg next - a little harder this time - and jumped out of the way just as his LEFT foot shot up.
She gave him a long, hard stare.
'A complete medical mystery,' the professor mumbled. 'But if I'm not mistaken, Mister, your legs are on the wrong way round.'
The goose just smiled.
*
Across the sea in Galashiels, the goose symbol suddenly flashed on Ben Madigan's trike.
Ben shot up out of his sleeping bag at exactly the same moment as the one-eared dog's one good ear shot up, fifty-three miles away in the harbour car park.
*
At Stepminder Castle, the professor jerked the glasses off the goose, sending HIM tumbling down the back of the bench, and HER backwards over her rusty old bicycle.
She stood up, embarrassed. She dusted herself down, and marched off towards the kitchen like a soldier - left foot first.
Left, right, left, right, left, smack!
'Ahhhhhh!' she yelled.
She'd forgotten about that rotten old rake. And when it shot up and hit her on the forehead, she forgot where she was; or who she was; or even what day it was.
And as the stars floated by her eyes, a tiny trickle of blood tickled her nose. And out she went...like a light.
The goose sprang into action again, moving the rake far enough away that he wouldn't make the same mistake himself.
The professor had knocked herself out cold, so he knew he had to get her onto her side. But he wasnt sure HOW he knew that.
He rolled her over and pulled the old doctor's case across so that it lay snugly against the professors back.
He opened the case and had a good old rummage inside. He
knew what he was looking for, but he wasn't sure exactly HOW he knew that either.
And when he found the bandage he knew how to put it on without even thinking.
He pressed the padded bit tightly against her head, just where the bleeding was, wrapping the rest around her head to keep it all in place.
All the while, he was muttering '999' to himself, though he hadn't a clue why.
He opened the door and stepped out into the castle sunlight.
A bright pink telephone caught his eye way off in the distance, on the wall just inside the castle gates.
He waddled towards it as fast as he could, muttering '999' all the way.
He grabbed the phone, pressed the number three times, and put the phone to his ear.
A voice said:
'EMERGENCY...WHICH SERVICE DO YOU REQUIRE?'
The goose had no idea which service he required. He just knew he needed one of those big yellow things with the yellow and
green squares on it; the big yellow thing with the flashing blue lights; the big yellow thing with AMBULANCE written on it.
'Ambulance!' he spluttered. 'An ambulance, that's what I need...to Stepminder Castle, in fact...in the town of Rockfergus; home of
Professor Edna Dunlambert.
He'd no sooner put the phone down, than the big yellow ambulance
he'd asked for was screeching to a halt by the workshop door.
And by the time he waddled back over there, the professor
was thanking the crew for their time, but insisting she was fine now and didn't need to go to hospital.
It wasn't her epilepsy this time - just a silly accident.
'I'll be grand,' she insisted. 'I am a doctor don't forget. And
didn't I even manage to put on my own bandage and get myself into the recovery position while I was still out cold?'
As the ambulance drove out through the gates, the professor suddenly remembered how she came to fall in the first place.
'So YOU put the bandage on then?' the goose laughed. 'And YOU put YOURSELF in the recovery position?'
'Ah, so the goose speaks!' snapped the professor. 'He turns up here with his pinned-on wings, his itsy-bitsy glasses, and his inside-out feet...but there's nothing wrong with his talky bits it seems.'
'I thought you said my feet were the wrong-way-round?' asked the goose.
'Inside-out, back-to-front, wrong-way-round...whats the difference: they're still wonky, arent they?'
Either way, we'll have to swap them around. And while were at it, we'll put your wings back on properly; none of this old safety pin
nonsense. We'll have you as good as new in no time.'
'You can do all that?' the goose asked, excited at the thought of being as good as new again. (Although he couldnt remember
back to when he WAS new).
'Of course,' the professor insisted. 'Aren't I a doctor? Or at least I was. You see this EPILEPSY thing I have now, it means I...'
'I know, the goose interrupted, it means you sometimes lose your concentration, because the electrics in your brain get a bit confuzzled. And you might even have little fits while your brain sorts itself out again.'
Professor Dunlambert was amazed. So was the goose.
'YOU can stay as long as you like Clever Clogs,' she told him. 'You obviously know a bit about first aid, and, as I - Professor Edna Dunlambert - am the most gifted doctor in Ireland, I can teach you so much more.
But we really do have to fix you up properly before we can put your superhero skills to any real use.'
The goose agreed, though he wasn't sure what she had in mind for HIS SKILLS.
'Oh, and don't call me "Edna",' she added. 'I dont mind "Prof" if you wish - they called me that in the hospital. But never, ever "Edna". And we'll need a proper name for you too, of course. I was thinking "Fergus", now there's a cracking name for a superhero!'
She was quite pleased with herself
FERGUS - from ROCKFERGUS. She thought it had a nice ring to it.
But it had been a long day. Fergus The Goose lay fast asleep on the sofa. Dreaming of being a superhero...though he wasn't
quite sure what that meant.
Watch out for the next BLOG...coming soon.
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