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| 12. Never, ever call her 'EDNA'! |
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Professor Dunlambert was in the kitchen, making cranberry tea and slicing some cake.
Ben was relaxing in the drawing room with the Carlisle brothers,talking about hospitals and gardens; about the circus and a parmedic goose.
Something made the professor stop what she was doing.
She leaned forward. Her sharp little nose followed the strange, but familiar, marzipan smell. And she blinked at the lilac and blue haze swirling around her eyes.
Uncle Sid recognised that look. He growled.
The professor blinked and shook her head. The smell and the haze disappeared, so she carried on with the tea and cake.
Uncle Sid barked again. She ignored him; the smell and the haze were slowly coming back to her.
The dog barked for all he was worth, trying to get Ben's attention.
Ben ignored him, too busy telling the Carlisle brothers how he was...well...more of a musician and secret agent than a plain old gardener.
The professor suddenly dropped the knife. She fell to the floor; shaking.
Uncle Sid heard the laughter from the drawing room.
Realising nobody was coming to help, he rushed over to where my poor niece lay.
With his paw, he slid the knife along the floor, out of harm's way. He used his nose, and all his strength, to nudge her onto her side. He pulled a cushion down from the settee and dragged it across the room. He shoved it in behind her so she couldn't roll onto her back. And then he bounced away into the drawing room.
Ben Madigan didn't like having his trouser leg pulled by a big, panting dog. Nor was he very happy at having to leave his new friends to see what all the excitement was about in the kitchen.
And then...PANIC!!!!!
The kitchen was suddenly filled with the sounds of Ben screaming, Uncle Sid barking, and the Carlisle brothers arguing about who should do what.
Ben charged upstairs to get Fergus, but the little superhero goose was snoring his little superhero head off and couldn't be wakened.
Ben sprinted back downstairs. Uncle Sid leapt at him with the phone in his mouth.
Ben pressed the number: '999'.
The woman on the other end asked which service he needed.
'AMBULANCE!' Ben replied.
She connected him straight away.
The man from the ambulance service took all the details. Then he told Ben what to do until the crew arrived:
'DON'T TRY TO HOLD THE PROFESSOR DOWN.'
'OK,' replied Ben, 'what else?'
'DON'T PUT ANYTHING IN HER MOUTH.'
'Don't put anything in her mouth!' Ben shouted to the others.
'MOVE ANY DANGEROUS OBJECTS AWAY FROM HER.'
Ben looked at the knife. It was far enough away.
'Yes, Uncle Sid's already done that,' he said.
'GOOD!' said the man. 'NOW, WHEN SHE STOPS SHAKING, LIE HER DOWN GENTLY ON THE FLOOR...'
'She's already on the floor!' Ben snapped.
'OK, GOOD, BUT WHEN SHE STOPS SHAKING, TURN HER GENTLY ONTO HER SIDE...'
'Yip,' Ben interrupted, 'the dog's already done that.'
The man paused, just for a second. He could have sworn Ben said 'DOG'.
'AND PUT SOMETHING BEHIND HER TO STOP HER ROLLING ONTO HER BACK.'
'Spot on!' said Ben. 'The dog's done that bit too.'
The man at Ambulance Control wasn't sure what to say next. He heard Uncle Sid barking in the background, as the sirens came blaring into the castle.
Ben and the others were relieved, and still a little confused at what had happened - though not quite as confused as the man staring at the phone up in Ambulance Control.
***
The professor finally stopped shaking on the way to hospital - thanks to some very welcome oxygen from the paramedics. And when she woke and looked around her, SHE was the most confused of all.
'What's happening?' she asked.'Where am I?'
'It's OK Prof, you're in the ambulance. You've had one of your little seizures. We're just taking you down to the hospital for a quick check-up.'
The emergency was over. The professor relaxed a little. It was a familiar voice, though she couldn't think where she'd heard it before.
***
Things still weren't quite back to normal next morning - whatever 'normal' means at Stepminder Castle. Anyway, it was quieter than usual.
The doctors had kept Professor Dunlambert in hospital overnight to keep an eye on her. At least that was the plan.
At 8.20 am, the phone rang. Ben had taken his insulin and was just finishing breakfast.
'Hello,' he said, 'Stepminder Castle.'
'Is that Mr. Madigan?' whispered a tired, croaky voice.
'It certainly is,' he replied. 'How can I help you?'
'Good morning Mr. Madigan, this is Nurse Owens. Doctor Jefferson asked me to let you know that Edna's ready to come home now. Can you come down and collect her please?'
Ben laughed; what Nurse Owens really meant, was 'PRETTY PLEASE...WITH SUGAR ON TOP!'
There was no mistaking her tone; the night staff had clearly had their fill of Professor Dunlambert's bossy ways.
'I'm on my way, nurse,' Ben assured her. 'Thank you for looking after her. Oh, and by the way, never call her "Edna" out loud.'
'That's why I'm whispering,' the nurse replied. 'Doctor Jefferson made that mistake earlier!'
***
Doctor Jefferson couldn't believe his eyes. Professor Dunlambert was sitting on the end of the hospital trolley. Her trainer laces were still open. She was busy fastening the chin-strap on her leather motorcycle helmet.
'What's going on here?' he demanded.
'I thought you said she was allowed to come home with me?' said Ben.
A nurse opened the curtain and brought a letter in. It needed signed.
'Yes, but not on a motorbike!' the doctor replied.
'And why ever not?' asked Professor Dunlambert.
'Eh, actually...it's a trike,' Ben insisted. 'THREE WHEELS...NOT TWO!'
Doctor Jefferson wasn't impressed. 'Bike...trike...whatever!It's hardly the most suitable means of transport after what you've been through.'
Ben took him to one side while the professor tied her laces.
'Perhaps I didn't think that one through, doctor,' he whispered. 'Now, it'll take me at least an hour to get to the castle, pick up the car, and get back here for her. Is that really necessary, after the night YOU'VE probably had?'
He winked at the doctor, and nodded towards the professor. She sat with her arms folded, a stern look on her face.
Doctor Jefferson agreed; keeping her there any longer would probably cause more trouble than it was worth. He bent over and signed the letter. He folded it, put it in a brown envelope and handed it to Ben.
'I'm not entirely happy about this, you know.'
'Yes, we do know,' Professor Dunlambert sighed. 'But really, when you've been a doctor as long as I have, you'll see there's no harm in it.'
Ben opened the door and led the Professor out into the corridor. Doctor Jefferson watched the door close slowly behind them.
'Goodbye Edna,' he mumbled. 'Drive safely!'
'I heard that!' she snapped.
Watch out for the next Blog...coming soon.
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